The New Dad’s Breastfeeding Support Manual: Breast Pumping the Brakes

Apr 29, 2024

August 13, 2023 by R. Justin Freeman Leave a Comment

I don’t think my husband understands how much time, effort and energy goes into pumping. I literally have to pump all day to add ONE bag to the freezer supply.

u/TangerineAromatic117 on Reddit

When it comes to supporting a new mom in a new breastfeeding journey, you’d be remiss in not learning about the role of breast pumps in the process. Why? Because over 85% of new mothers express milk for one reason or another in a baby’s first four months of life, and the majority of them do so with a breast pump. And a survey by Mamava of over 4,700 moms revealed only 5% had never pumped.

So if you’re feeding your baby breast milk as a couple, statistically speaking, a breast pump is extremely likely to factor into the mix. It can become a necessity for a lot of reasons, whether increasing supply, pumping extra so you can feed the baby, your partner going back to work, or a number of other things.

So while you don’t need to be an expert on every aspect, you do need to be conversant in all things breast pump. If your partner asks you to set out the flanges, duckbill valves, and backflow protectors, you need to not stand there and blink at her like a cow on new pasture. So let’s pump the brakes a second and start from the beginning:

A look at the options in the world of breast pumps can feel overwhelming at first glance. I can put myself back in the mindset of puzzling over them, for sure. However, despite the multiplicity of options in each, breast pumps almost without exception fall into six distinct categories, which I’ll list here in their typical order of ascending price:

I’ll not confuse things by calling this one a “breast pump,” because there’s no pumping action involved. These devices are made completely from medical-grade silicone and are compressed before being placed over the nipple, which creates a vacuum seal.

The suction is obviously not especially strong, but it creates a pressure gradient which can provide some relief in situations like long car rides, plane trips, or gatherings during which your partner needs to pump but can’t or doesn’t want to scurry off to sequester herself at her pumping station.

Manual breast pumps are operated by hand, removing the need for electricity or batteries. Lever action creates a vacuum that draws milk out of the breast. They’re compact and lightweight, which makes them suitable for occasional use, traveling, or as a backup option in case of failure.

Don’t get enticed by the price relative to other breast pumps, though – they are absolutely not suitable for everyday pumping. Your partner would almost certainly get a repetitive stress injury (RSI) in very short order trying to do this, so don’t even suggest it.

The best use case for a manual breast pump is as an emergency failsafe stashed in a bag or vehicle in case your partner is out and about and can’t get to her usual setup before she needs it.

Electric breast pumps plug into a wall outlet and typically operate on a similar mechanical principle to manual breast pumps. Except for their noise level, though, electric breast pumps are superior to manual pumps in every way – they’re more efficient and automate the process.

Once you start shopping, you’ll find you have a couple of options: Single pumps or double pumps. Single pumps only allow you to express breast milk from one breast at a time; double pumps allow you to express from both simultaneously.

Double breast pumps are more expensive. I would still urge you to get one. On ‘pro and con’ lists you’ll see mentions on the single pump side of the ledger that you can use them to pump on one side and nurse or cuddle your baby on the other.

‘Aww,’ you think. ‘How nice.’

Nope. Ignore this. They obviously just needed to balance their nifty little table out because it’s a meaningless distinction on two fronts:

First, unless your baby is the first baby in the long and storied history of babies to nurse completely stock still but for the suckling motion, he or she is invariably going to find a way to jostle the breast pump flange (the conic bit that creates a seal over your partner’s nipple).

Those things can be unreasonably fickle and will not tolerate jostling. They barely put up with a heaved sigh sometimes.

The effect will be a loss of vacuum, which means your partner will have to fuss with the flange to get the flow started again, possibly through a pumping bra, all while juggling the baby.

It’s a recipe for frustration I doubt would be repeated.

Second, many double pumps can be configured to work as a single pump, anyway. So if your partner for some reason wanted that option in a particular circumstance, she could have it – while the rest of the time enjoying the efficiency benefits of a double pump.

When your partner is trying to build her supply, she should pump eight times every 24 hours. No, that’s not a typo – and it’s start time to start time, meaning every minute she spends on the pump is chewing into her three hour window.

Are you starting to see why she needs a solid wingman?

Since double pumping can reduce pumping session time from, say, thirty minutes to fifteen, investing in a double pump could potentially save your partner two hours every day. Even if you were a complete muppet and only valued your partner’s time at $15 an hour, the return on your investment would be measured in days, not weeks.

Not convinced? A randomized controlled trial in 2012 found double pumping increased breast milk output by 18%, all of which was more calorie-dense than milk expressed with a single pump. And pump technology has obviously only progressed since, so these numbers may be appreciably conservative.

And just as a little bonus, many breast pumps can’t be safely sterilized for others’ use – so if you get an inferior pump in an attempt to save money and it isn’t sustainable for your partner, you may be faced with a situation in which you’re shopping for a better pump anyway with a reject you may have to take a complete loss on for want of being able to do anything with it.

So belly up to the bar and make it a double. You’re literally buying time with the premium, in a satisfyingly direct way you’ll seldom find in life. Trim the fat somewhere else.

I’ll not launch into another tirade here, because battery-powered breast pumps are quite simply electric pumps that needn’t be plugged into the wall. Two cautions though:

First, you will often find you’re paying a premium over an electric pump – so you’ll have to project what kind of value you’ll place on portability.

Second, battery-powered pumps can sometimes lack the suction power a corded electric pump can afford, so it’s quite likely portability will cost you efficiency. Whether that’s a deal worth making will be up to the two of you.

A relatively recent innovation in breast pumps has been wearable, hands-free pumps. These units fit into a bra and collect milk into built-in reservoirs or bags, depending on the model and/or configuration. They’re fairly quiet relative to electric units, but not completely silent like a silicone collector. Their use case is for a breastfeeding partner who needs to do things simultaneously with pumping, perhaps like taking video calls.

They’re not a silver bullet – you can’t move every which way and expect them to still perform well, and even if your partner is in an ideal position the output will usually be inferior to electric or battery-powered options. However, if your partner needs a setup in which she feels more “normal looking” than the configurations above with the air horn-looking flanges – particularly if she’s in a situation in which she has to use a breast pump while she’s working in a client-facing role – they might be worth looking into.

The phrase “hospital grade” isn’t quite so bad as “military grade” in terms of being meaningless marketing jargon, but the fact remains that, in the United States, the Food and Drug Administration does not recognize or define the phrase “hospital grade breast pump,” so it’s up to individual manufacturers to determine how they use it on their products.

The general dividing line seems to be a breast pump that is more powerful and efficient than baseline consumer options and is rated for multiple users by virtue of being a closed system pump (which means the mechanics of the pump are such milk never enters the machine, which would make sterilization nearly impossible).

“Stupendous,” you say. “I’ll take two.”

Not so fast there, Tex. They’re kinda proud of these things. Hospital-grade breast pumps can easily run into the multiple hundreds of dollars into the low four figures for some companies’ flagship models – so unless you’re much better heeled than I am, you might want to explore some other options.

First, it’s not a certainty a hospital-grade breast pump would be better for your partner. If she doesn’t have any supply issues, all one is going to do is risk additional discomfort and/or oversupply (remember, the more stimulation your partner gets during nursing or pumping, whether in repetition, duration, or intensity, will tend to increase supply).

Hospital-grade breast pumps tend to be recommended in response to a factor in particular – for example, the need to quickly develop supply after a premature birth or the birth of multiples.

They’re a bit of a logistical hassle, too – these things tend to be boat anchors. In fact, in my experience in maternity wards, they tend to be on their own dedicated wheeled stands to spare having to lug them around. If you do need a hospital-grade breast pump, your care provider or lactation consultant will bring you into that conversation. They will have information on whether you might be able to rent one until your partner’s supply is up to speed enough to transition to a consumer-level option.

I know, this makes it sound like the component of a hydroelectric power plant. I’m not really sure there are superior name options though.

Pumping parlor? Lactation location?

Yikes, let’s just stick with ‘pumping station.’ If pumping breast milk is going to factor into your feeding plan regularly, it’s likely your partner will spend many, many hours hooked up to the pump over the course of your breastfeeding journey. Investing in the space she’ll do it in will pay dividends over time. Here are some things to think about as you plan it out:

Find a spot that is either already a bit secluded or can be made that way. It’s important to strike a balance here – you don’t want it in a high-traffic area lest there be constant interruptions, but you also don’t want to make it so far-flung as to be a nuisance to get to (up and down flights of stairs and whatnot from where she’ll spend most of her time).

Draw her into this conversation and planning phase. You may have a romantic notion of surprising her with this space, but it wouldn’t do to pour a bunch of effort into a space she’ll need to move for whatever reason. Forget the grand gesture – collaboration is sexy.

Where your partner sits when she’s using the breast pump may be another difference you have to split. Your initial thought may be something plush and cozy, but pumping and nursing are not the same. Where your partner might have appreciated a rocker recliner she could sink into and lean back in while nursing, if she’s pumping she’ll have different needs.

Pumping requires your partner to more or less stay upright the entire time – leaning back can cause suction loss and spills, depending on the setup. So where a rocker recliner that allows for your baby’s weight to be more equitably spread across your partner’s body is good for nursing, something like a fixed position high back chair might be better for pumping. In fact, believe it or not, some mothers online swear by their office chairs when using a breast pump.

So as with the location in your home, don’t spring this decision on your partner. Whether you’re repurposing a chair you already own or casting about for another, let her trial them with pumping in mind and make the ultimate decision herself.

There should ideally be ample opportunity for storage within arm’s reach of where your partner is pumping. A shelving unit like this one will provide space for both your partner’s pump as well as accessories and other items she’ll want close, like soft washcloths for wiping up inevitable spills and leaks.

Getting a size larger than you think you need initially will ensure you have space for other items you want to add over time, like small pillows for side and lumbar support, a small blanket, or some reading material.

As far as fixtures go, get a couple of wastebaskets (maybe something like these that doesn’t break the bank but isn’t a complete utility). One can be for garbage, the other for laundry items your partner will generate while she’s pumping (breast pads, bras, washcloths, and so on). Make it your job to keep the whole space tidy – your goal should be to make it such your partner needs only go, pump, and leave. That means you need to restock snacks and drinks, empty trash and laundry, and top off washcloths and any other items you find cycle in and out.

It’s important to include some elements that make the space inviting for your partner. Pumping breast milk is inherently utilitarian as it is, so don’t engineer a space that exacerbates the feeling. Here are some ways you can soften the space a bit:

Just like with breastfeeding in general, a breast pump is not a silver bullet. There are still issues that can arise in a pumping process. In fact, there are some problems that are more particular to pumping. Knowing these things going in can spare a lot of frustration – and, in some cases, potentially a lot of arguments and hurt feelings.

Milk production, both nursing and (perhaps especially) pumping breast milk, can produce seemingly irrational negative emotions in your breastfeeding partner. It’s not just her.

One condition, Breastfeeding Aversion & Agitation (BAA), causes a nursing mother to have waves of negative emotions while breastfeeding that do not abate until the baby unlatches. Another condition, called D-MER, can produce feelings ranging from a vague sense of dread to intense rage to, in rare cases, suicidal ideation. Like so many other areas of women’s health, root causes haven’t been identified because of a lack of clinical research – but they’re very real, recognized conditions that can make an already difficult endeavor colossally challenging.

You don’t need to read white papers or be an expert on these conditions – just have a baseline awareness so you can encourage and support your partner through them if they become an issue. Also, short of these clinically recognized conditions, there is a spectrum of how breastfeeding partners regard their work when it comes to pumping in particular. Even if it doesn’t rise to the level of BAA or D-MER, your partner will almost certainly deal with some level of anxiety, boredom, or irritation when she’s pumping.

Be mindful of this and supportive, both in and out of the moment. If your partner is pumping, she’s going to miss cuddle time with your baby – like I mentioned earlier, pump flanges typically have to be continually monitored and tended to in order to ensure they keep a good seal, which means occupied hands and no room for cuddles.

This can be mentally draining for your partner and make her feel like a mere utility while you or someone else are spending time with your baby somewhere else. Speak into that void and build her up, or there’s a chance she’s going to fill it with negative self-talk.

“I may murder my husband. Just found this bottle that he left out ALL NIGHT. There goes 4 oz of milk that took me 45 minutes to pump. Not even sure if we have enough milk left to get the baby through the day while I’m at work.”

u/asnpass on Reddit

Get it through your head right now how precious breast milk is.

Your breastfeeding partner’s primary job, the thing that dominates her focus, decision-making, and energy expenditure, is making milk for your baby. That’s Job One. With all the time and energy that goes into it, pumped milk is a precious commodity.

Let’s do some more milk math. If it takes your partner four and a half hours to produce three ounces of milk during the first month, and even if your jackassery persists in only valuing your partner’s time at $15 an hour, that would still make the effective value of her breast milk $2,880 per gallon.

That’s ‘whiskey old enough to be a tenured professor’ level expensive. And if you think your partner’s time is worth more than that, start multiplying.

Treat your partner’s milk accordingly. Hopefully, the napkin math illustrates the necessity of doing everything possible to ensure her breastmilk does not spoil:

Honest mistakes are going to happen. I left a feed out once, and I can still see the heartbreak written all over the Unflustered Mother’s face. But if multiple feeds go to spoil over the course of time because you’re being careless and not paying attention, it would be hard for your partner to not interpret that as a sign of deep disrespect for her effort.

Tie a ribbon around your finger, make phone alarms with the most irritating K-pop song you can find, invest in strobing neon signage to mount to the refrigerator – whatever you need to do to keep your partner’s breast milk fresh.

If at all possible, this should be your job. Again, even if your partner escapes BAA/D-MER, I’ve yet to hear any new mother talking about looking forward to pumping. Given how the pump usually leaves them feeling, the prospect of then cleaning all the breast pump parts – which has to be done after every session – can make them feel like they’re having to shine their bully’s shoes.

So don’t be a jackass that rubber stamps breast pump part cleaning as “boob stuff” and dust your hands off about it. You’re not qualified to make milk, but you are definitely qualified to wash stuff.

So let’s roll up our sleeves. This isn’t exactly rocket surgery, but there are some tips that can make your life a little easier here:

There are bags and baskets you can get to wash things on the top rack of your dishwasher; however, in my experience, these leave a lot to be desired. There are so many crevices in a lot of these parts that a dishwasher struggles to address, and it’s usually the case that the drying cycle starts to haze the plastics and make them look shabby.

Bottles usually, but not always, do a bit better in the top rack of the dishwasher being a little more straightforward in shape. Not “perfectly,” mind you – a bit better. If you go this route, rinse bottles thoroughly before they go in the dishwasher. Breastmilk is rich in fat, and you’re risking having to wash the bottles by hand anyway if you don’t manually remove what you can before they go through the cycle.

Honestly, though, with all the fussing I had to do with the dishwasher – putting bottles in just so to keep them from tipping over, having to closely inspect everything coming out, invariably having to re-wash something after every load – I found it much easier to just do it all by hand. That way you know it’s done right the first time, and you can do it all at once and be done with it rather than splitting components.

Just like with your diaper changing station, it helps to think through your process prior to there being a mess sitting in front of you. You can do this a few different ways, but here’s what my setup looked like:

This will ultimately just take doing to get slick with, but here are a few tips:

Be forewarned, this is going to seem like drudgery the first few times. But it won’t be long before it’s just Something You Do, like any other required household chore. Between that and efficiency gains as you get more practiced, this will decidedly not be a big deal.

If pumping wasn’t hard enough already, the prospect of doing it at a workplace can be half-mortifying, depending on the factors at play. Here are some things to discuss before you’re in the moment:

Your partner may know everything I’m about to say and more about the dynamics of pumping breast milk at work – if so, wonderful. If she’s less well-versed in the topic, though, you need to make sure she’s informed. Much of this section is written for the specific benefit of those living and working in the United States, but if you live elsewhere I’d encourage you to research similar provisions in your jurisdiction.

If your partner is an hourly employee, it’s almost certain she has legally mandated protections if she returns to work while she’s still pumping breastmilk via provisions in the Fair Labor Standards Act (FLSA), though there are some limited exceptions. So long as the time she takes is “reasonable,” the FLSA says a break is mandated “each time such employee has need to express the milk.”

That need is for your partner to decide, not her boss.

If a direct supervisor balks at allowing her time to pump, she should escalate. Encourage her to go up the chain of command or, if applicable, to her company’s Human Resources department (bearing in mind HR exists to protect the employer, not necessarily employees). Encourage her to cite her rights. There is a big difference between “Could you maybe reconsider giving me time to pump” and “the Fair Labor Standards Act mandates I be given a suitable place and time to pump.”

Depending on your partner’s personality type, she may be hesitant to be “confrontational.” However, if her employer is balking, it’s more helpful to frame this not as a standoff between her and her management, but as her protecting your baby’s interests against the unfeeling priorities of her employer.

That means it can’t be an alcove or open room. It isn’t required to be lockable, or even to be a permanent room – it can legally be made of a partition wall. But it must not be open to the view of coworkers or the general public. If your partner’s employer is non-exempt and tries to shoo her off to some little-used space open to the rest of the building, they’re violating the law.

Your partner’s employer cannot attempt to designate a bathroom as her private place to pump. Breast milk is food. An employer would be in the news if they forced employees to eat their lunch in a bathroom, and there’s no functional difference when it comes to food safety between pumping breast milk and microwaving a stir fry. Your partner should flatly refuse any suggestion she pumps in a restroom of any sort and cite the FLSA.

The law says your partner must be “protected from view,” which means she cannot legally have a security or surveillance camera trained on the area designated for pumping. This also holds for telework. If your partner works from home, her employer cannot require her to stay in view of a camera during pumping breaks.

Your partner’s employer is obligated to provide a break every time she needs to express breast milk. However, if your partner is completely relieved of duty during these breaks, her employer is not required to pay for them beyond any already paid to employees in general. Be mindful of this as you’re reviewing data.

It’s statistically unlikely your partner will be ushered to a lush, custom-built space to pump with soft lighting, a curated snack collection, and a massage chair. These spaces are very likely to be cobbled together afterthoughts on a shoestring budget (if any at all). They’ll probably be harshly lit and utilitarian.

And that’s all in addition to the feelings of isolation pumping can bring on (quadruply so if you’re at home with the kids while she’s hunched in a back room staring at surplus paper products while a pump hoots at her like an indignant goose).

So be extra mindful of such in this season of life. Wear gratitude on your sleeve, and do whatever you can to blunt the drudgery. Perhaps you could curate a care kit of favorite snacks for her to stash in the pumping area; maybe you could find a photo or keepsake to put in a small frame for her to focus on while she’s pumping to center herself. The main thing is making sure she feels seen and valued, because the act of pumping makes you, very literally, feel used.

As you can see, there’s a lot that goes into pumping breast milk. It may seem simple to you, but depending on the factors at play, it might be one of the most challenging things your partner will face in early motherhood, if not more broadly.

Make sure she knows beyond question she isn’t facing it alone.

There will be a lot you can’t do for her in it, but that doesn’t mean you get to throw your hands up about it – it means you need to be doubly diligent in doing those things you can. You’re tasked with protecting your partner, and while guys love to blow hot air about taking bullets and walking through glass for their partners, nobody’s asking them to do that.

And they know this. That’s why it’s safe for them to say.

Doing things like researching breast pumps and cleaning pump parts isn’t considered a grand gesture. You’re not going to get a belly rub and a scratch behind your ears every time you scrub a load of pump parts. But if you want one ounce of credit for being willing to “protect your partner,” this is the thick of it.

Monotony, boredom, and disdain for the pump are near-certain villains. Don’t let them attack your partner while you’re looking out for marauding assassins and opportunities to traverse a field of glass shards to prove your love and devotion.

Something else you’re going to have to protect your partner from isn’t a something, but a someone. Make that several someones. In the next article in this series, I address some of the people you’ll have to keep at arm’s length in a breastfeeding journey. Continue reading the guide here.

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This post was previously published on THEUNBOTHEREDFATHER.COM.

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Filed Under: Families, Featured Content Tagged With: breastfeeding, Justin Freeman, newborn, Partner Support